The Scarlet & Black

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The Scarlet & Black

The Scarlet & Black

Feven Getachew
Feven Getachew
May 6, 2024
Michael Lozada
Michael Lozada
May 6, 2024
Nathan Hoffman
Nathan Hoffman
May 6, 2024
Harvey Wilhelm `24.
Harvey Wilhelm
May 6, 2024

The Signs just got vaccinated!


By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden and Celestial Minion 



Sparring with their weird antivax cousin over Instagram DMs after getting a little too trigger happy with the post-vax story selfies – consequently curating a Close Friends list solely based on their followers’ likelihood to suspect they now have a microchip in their arm.


Protection from an infectious disease isn’t too shabby a birthday present, but this seriously wasn’t the type of headache they planned on having the morning after their 21st.


Brandishing their “I Got the Vaccination!” sticker harder than an “I Voted” sticker in a swing-state.


Eagerly waiting two weeks to give all of their (fellow vaccinated) friends a little platonic smooch and then spooning them while crying tears of joy because physical touch is their love language, okay?


Purposefully cleared their schedule for the 48 hours following their second dose in expectation of the oncoming storm sure to rack their immune system only to make it through without so much as a headache – the definition of being built different.


Taking the shot like a champ but then spending the rest of the day calling out literally anyone who posts unmasked photos with something to the effect of “Yikes…Not a good look…JUST because you got vaccinated does NOT mean that you have immunity or protection from COVID-19!” You’re signaling a little more than virtue, sweaty.


Milking the side effects for all they’re worth in hopes that their roommates will take a hint and serve them a delicious breakfast in bed, but only getting a completely crushed Nature Valley bar lobbed at them from the doorway. Maybe this fever isn’t too bad after all…


Immediately included a shot of their vaccination card as one of their pics on Tinder. “I say, if you’ve got it – flaunt it.”


Bragging to anyone who will listen that they got the vaccination back in February. Yes, your nicotine addiction came in handy this time, but enjoy the view while you’re up there because that high horse you’re riding won’t hold you for long.


Over-analyzing the intimate moment when the woman who administered their vaccine placed the Band-Aid on their arm and they felt their pulse quicken – did her fingers linger?


Their love for sleuthing aside – trying to figure out who’s got the vax and who’s just an anti-masker has given Aquarius a bitch of a tension headache.


Just sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.

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    MayaMay 5, 2021 at 8:17 pm

    This column is my favorite! Who is the columnist?