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The Scarlet & Black

The Scarlet & Black

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Horoscope: Which federally recognized Midwestern state are you?

Henry Loomis

Aries: Indiana 

March 21-April 19  

Rock ‘n’ roll meets country when you’re out for a night on the town. Picture yourself in a flannel, it’s the ideal fit for your rugged nature.  

Taurus: Iowa 

April 20-May 20  

Words to describe you include friendly and community oriented, all things we love about the state our college calls home. You are a steady pillar of your community just like Iowa is a steady pillar of the midwest. 

Gemini: Michigan 

May 21-June 20   

Michigan has two distinct peninsulas, just like you have two sides. Just like you, this state has something to offer everyone as both a water and winter wonderland! 

Cancer: North Dakota 

June 21-July 22  

Your self-protectiveness sometimes comes across as reclusiveness, and people have to put in some effort to see your charms. But just like this northern state, once people get close, they will fall in love with your bison and rolling hills, or whatever it is you have to offer … 

Leo: Ohio 

July 23-August 22  

Home to The Ohio State University, you’ll never let the other states forget your victories over Michigan. You even have your own viral song — Swag Like Ohio. 

Virgo: Minnesota 

August 23-September 22  

You’re the perfect combination of outdoorsy meets artsy. Ideally, you’re the best person to settle down and have two kids and a Goldendoodle in the suburbs that you take on family vacations to Lake Minnetonka. 

Libra: Nebraska 

September 23-October 22   

All about balance, you sit right in the middle of the country. Though some might say you’re mid, you are cultivatinging-ly beautiful.  

Scorpio: Wisconsin 

October 23-November 21  

Your jokes are kind of cheesy, and your smell is even cheesier. That’s why we are sending you to the land of the cheese lovers, you’ll fit right in! 

Sagittarius: Illinois 

November 22-December 21  

Home to the cultural hub of the midwest, Chicago, you’re a fireball force to be reckoned with. We never underestimate your versatility, you’re the sagittarius superstar of transportation. 

Capricorn: Kansas 

December 22-January 19  

Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, but you are. You are hardworking, perfect for a life out in the fields. While this may not be the most glamorous, just know that you are an integral part of society.  

Aquarius: South Dakota 

January 20-February 18  

We don’t care what anyone says, there’s more to you than just Mount Rushmore. One thing we know for sure is that you’re a monumental experience for sure.  

Pisces: Missouri  

February 19-March 20  

At the center of the Midwest music scene, your jazzy style never gets cramped when you’ve produced Charlie Parker, Lester Young and Norman Brown. Everybody’s so creative! 

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About the Contributor
Henry Loomis
Henry Loomis, Graphic Designer
Henry Loomis is a second-year studio art major from Eau Claire, Wisconsin.  He loves books, trees, the artist Ellen Gallagher, movies, but especially queer films involving the ocean, and grows more obsessed with Joanna Newsom every day (the songs seem long, but he promises they’re engaging).
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