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The Scarlet & Black

The Scarlet & Black

Horoscope: Which U.S. president are you?

Henry Loomis

Aries: Thomas Jefferson  

March 21-April 19  

Often credited with introducing French fries to the United States, you too will go to great lengths to feed your obsessions. If he were alive today, you two would have a blast listening to Kid Cudi’s “The Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare).” 

Taurus: Jimmy Carter 

April 20-May 20  

Some people say Jimmy Carter was a better peanut farmer than President, but we prefer to think of him as multitalented. More than anything, you are concerned with being true to your character in all that you do.  

Gemini: John Adams 

May 21-June 20  

John Adams is equally remembered for being the first vice president and second president. Like John Adams, you excel in your support of others while not losing sight of your own goals. While you might not always get the recognition you deserve, just know we are proud of you for all you do! 

Cancer: John Quincy Adams 

June 21-July 22  

In 1821, Adams attended a Quaker meeting (he was not a Quaker) and felt as though he had “wasted precious time” during group meditation. Doing your best work in solitude, you don’t care about your social image. Just don’t forget to leave your home without your powdered wig!  

Leo: Ronald Reagan 

July 23-August 22  

Reagan took perhaps one of the most unique pathways to the Oval Office, just like how you tend to make unique public appearances. True theater kids at heart, you and Reagan certainly know how to handle the drama.  

Virgo: Lyndon B. Johnson  

August 23-September 22  

Order in the court. When it comes to keeping things in order, you stand on business. This is certainly what LBJ did the minute he stepped foot in the White House, passing the Civil Rights Act of 1964, and the Social Security Amendments of 1965. What would we do without your iron fist?  

Libra: Barack Obama 

September 23-October 22   

Your confidence can command the attention of everyone in a room. A true geek at heart, like Obama, you had a Harry Potter phase. With ambitions like him, maybe one day you too will have a signature Obama cut to compliment your charm.  

Scorpio:  James Madison 

October 23-November 21  

Mostly due to the 2015 hit musical Hamilton, James Madison is best remembered as Thomas Jefferson’s sidekick. Your strengths are often understated when compared to others, but your determination ensures that you make lasting impacts.  

Sagittarius: Ulysses S. Grant 

November 22-December 21  

Like the famous Sagittarius, Taylor Swift, Ulysses S. Grant was a true mastermind. Grant shared your love of honesty, which was not always helpful as a politician, but just like you, he knew to stay true to who he was and what he cared about.  

Capricorn: Grover Cleveland 

December 22-January 19  

You are very concerned with doing things the right way. Like the 22nd president of the United States, this might make you unpopular at times, but like the 24th president, people will trust you enough to give you a second chance.  

Aquarius: Franklin D. Roosevelt  

January 20-February 18  

Your intelligence, originality and care for others will keep people coming back to you again and again. Like FDR, you will fight until the very end, just remember to take some time for yourself occasionally. 

Pisces: John F. Kennedy 

February 19-March 20  

Like JFK, you put a lot of pressure on yourself, but you never fail to remain optimistic about the future. Never lose your childlike wonder — it will guide you through all your strategies of peace.  

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About the Contributor
Henry Loomis
Henry Loomis, Graphic Designer
Henry Loomis is a second-year studio art major from Eau Claire, Wisconsin.  He loves books, trees, the artist Ellen Gallagher, movies, but especially queer films involving the ocean, and grows more obsessed with Joanna Newsom every day (the songs seem long, but he promises they’re engaging).
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