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The Scarlet & Black

The Scarlet & Black

Horoscope: What cryptid are you?

Henry Loomis

Aries: The Jersey Devil

March 21-April 19

Like the Jersey Devil, you too look like you play Dungeons and Dragons. Yet, it’s not your physical appearance that ties you to this cryptid — it’s your crippling tendency to lie. Your story emerged from tall tales.  

Taurus: Bigfoot

April 20-May 20

Bigfoot? Sasquatch? Grassman? The only thing we know for sure is that you’re big and hairy. Just because people rarely see or hear from you doesn’t mean you aren’t important. 

Gemini: Mothman

May 21-June 21

You are unpredictable and seek out adventure. Yet sometimes you come on too strong with those big eyes of yours, but you will get whatever you want with that hypnotic stare.  


Fresno Nightcrawler 

June 22-July 22

You’re just a silly little guy, sometimes referred to as a pair of child-sized white sweatpants. You may look cute and cuddly, but on the inside, you only come out at night … to, well, cry.  

Leo: Kraken     

July 23-August 22

Like the Kraken, you are the center of attention. Whether you’re being admired or absolutely destroyed, you don’t care, as long as you can capture your audience 😉

Virgo: Yeti 

August 23-September 22

Like the Yeti, you are often misunderstood due to your meticulous nature. It’s all right, Virgo, all that matters is that you know you can weather any Iowan snowstorm. It must be all that hair!  

Libra: El Chupacabra  

September 23-October 22

You know you guys are kind of like a hardier Edward Cullen —  but without the skin of a killer. We should all be grateful that your gaze is limited to animals, but maybe give those poor farmers a break — they are an integral part of our community. 

Scorpio: Wendigo

October 23-November 21  

A friend to some and an enigma to all, like Wendigo, you have an intensity that captures the heart. I wouldn’t want to have a staring contest with you — I’d cave to all that rizz.  

Sagittarius: Phoenix

November 22-December 21  

Rising from the ashes, no one knows how to make a comeback quite like you. Keep doing what you do best, but remember it doesn’t always have to end in flames. 


Loch Ness Monster 

December 22-January 19  

Like our beloved Nessie, your public appearances are carefully planned. You like to make a splash large enough to be noticed but small enough that people can wonder if it happened. Maybe one day you’ll have the courage to show your whole self to the world.  

Aquarius: Banshee 

January 20-February 18  

You aren’t afraid to share your pain with the world. Never let anyone tell you you’re too loud. Speak your truth! 

Pisces: Siren

February 19-March 20  

Please, I’m a star! If it weren’t for your gorgeous looks, you wouldn’t be able to get away with your master manipulation.  

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About the Contributor
Henry Loomis
Henry Loomis, Graphic Designer
Henry Loomis is a second-year studio art major from Eau Claire, Wisconsin.  He loves books, trees, the artist Ellen Gallagher, movies, but especially queer films involving the ocean, and grows more obsessed with Joanna Newsom every day (the songs seem long, but he promises they’re engaging).
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