By the Celestial Maiden & the Celestial Minion
SCORPIO It may be your birthday season, but “birthday suit” is not an appropriate Halloween costume. Consider investing in some nipple covers and a space heater instead.
SAGITTARIUS You’re feeling far away from the spooky vibes this year, so don’t force it. Instead, play “The Saints Come Marching In” on November 1st and march around campus. Remember you’re an individual.
CAPRICORN You’re feeling suffocated, so take the space you need. Dress as an alien or astronaut or even a planet, but don’t get lost out there… or you might end up drifting in the dark alone forever.
AQUARIUS Turn off your phone. The one you’re looking for is right in front of you – with vampire teeth and a vague aura of rot.
PISCES Don’t sweat the black cats that cross your path this week too much. They’re less omens of death and more a message: lock your back door. You never know what those cats (and Mercury retrograde!) will drag back in.
Aries Remember to listen to the crows outside Burling. If you ask them nicely, they’ll carry you far away from here, but if you’re rude you’ll just end up with shit on your head.
Taurus Be wary of any ghostly apparitions you may see around campus. Those spirits are long dead, but they can hurt you, especially if you text them at two in the morning. Consider investing in the living instead.
Gemini You might be tempted to tap into the thinning wall between worlds this week and practice your ouija board skills with your coven. We don’t recommend this. But if you do accidentally summon a demon, just send it back into one of the Loosehead Pits where it belongs.
Cancer Align yourself with the superheroes of the evening to keep yourself safe from spooky mischief. The cold is another one of your weaknesses, but the longer nights don’t always mean it’s time for bed.
Leo The standard halloween pick up line: “What are you dressed as?” Your answer is always yourself, because you know you’re scary enough as it is, but try wearing a mask every once in a while. You might enjoy pretending to be something you’re not.
Virgo You refuse to watch scary movies with your friends because you’re afraid of vulnerability, but plan elaborate scares and pranks to force that same vulnerability out of your friends and peers. Reflect on that.
Libra This will be hard for you but please, please, please don’t cast any more love spells on your crushes. It will backfire, and they will turn into frogs, and you will have to kiss them to make it right … Hey! Stop that!