9:14 a.m. — Wake up at an even-numbered time, as always. Release overnight visitor(s) from my lair.
9:30 a.m. — “Ga-ga-ooh-la-la…”—pull myself out of bed, thanks to Lady GaGa
9:32 a.m. —Walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Notice that this same song is emanating from every room on my floor.
10:04 a.m. — Saunter into LGBTQ class—spend an hour and 46 minutes passionately discussing Tila Tequila and LGBTQ representation in the media.
11:54 a.m. — Leave class questioning the stability of identity categories, per usual.
12:00 p.m. — Calm my mid-day existential crisis with the help of those who are equally neurotic as myself. Eat my confusion in the form of a wheat bagel with strawberry cream cheese.
12:30 p.m. — Go back to my room for “me” time. Check e-mail, Facebook and Plans (in that order). Also manage to spill tea all over the Mexican blanket that doubles as a carpet in my room?
1:00 p.m. — Meet with my main man, Doug Cutchins. Leave his office feeling excited about the “process” and the prospect of a paperless future.
1:36 p.m. — Dance party in ARH study carrel. By myself. Last-minute reading for GWS theory may or may not take place.
3:34 p.m. — Listen to the brilliant words of Amy Hadow ’10, who, in discussing food as an analogy for sexual practices and desire, said, “Nobody tells you that when you go to a buffet, you can only get chicken.”
5:22 p.m. — Make love to my gnome boyfriend, Ezekiel, with a condom from the SHIC! Also, homework.
7:30 p.m. — Monterrey Chicken Sandwich with tempeh sauce—holler.
8:00 p.m. — Walk around the grill in my “Consent is Sexy” hat and sunglasses, catch up on environMENTAL reading, spend quality time with my favorite girl in the world.
10:00 p.m. — LION’s DEN to buy vibrators, lube, etc. for masturbation workshop and Queer Sex Ed. Die laughing when the assistant manager asks Thomas Bateman ’10 if he wants to purchase lesbian porn.
11:00 p.m. — Blast Christmas carols on the car-ride home. Realize that the slide at Dairy Queen has been taken down—tears ensue.
12:00 a.m. — Chai, homework and online cock-ring shopping at Bob’s Underground.
2:30 a.m. — SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.