9:24 a.m. – Wake up. Play some Top 40s hits. Roll out of bed. Discover that “Li’l T” [Ty Dewey ’16] is missing from our apartment.

9:26 a.m. – Check G-licious. Less worried about Li’l T because there are spicy tofu cubes in the D-Hall. Text Colleen Moser ’16 to share the good news.

9:53 am – Go to French class. Wonder why I am taking Intro to French as a fourth year. Question my life choices. Feel regret.

11:00 a.m. – Arrive in the Grill. Look for friends in athlete section. Decide there are too many athletes to sit there.

11:02 a.m. – Retreat to middle of the Grill.

11:15 a.m. – Get a to-go box because there are people in the D-Hall. Fill it with tofu cubes. Some first-year stares at me. No shame.

11:24 a.m. – Text Amelia Greenberg ’16 to play Bananagrams.

11:25 a.m. – Text Amelia to play Set with me.

11:26 a.m. – Hopes dashed. Amelia is busy.

12:50 p.m. – Try to print out things for class. JRC printer doesn’t work. Am forced to go to Kistle.

12:57 p.m. – Kistle printer works. Feeling unloved as a humanities major. Why do our printers never work? Why don’t we have printers? Why don’t we have commons? Contemplate the existential woes of humanities majors.

1:03 p.m. – Show up late to Italian class. Talk about pasta for one hour.

2:00 p.m. – Walk to the greatest building on campus.

2:01 p.m. – Arrive at Steiner.

2:03 p.m. – Everyone, including the professor, is late to our philosophy seminar.

4:00 p.m. – Philosophy bros invite me to play “racquetball.” I decline because I know it’s actually some Illuminati shit.

4:01 p.m. – Return to the Grill. Philosophy boys ask me what is the meaning of life. I decline to answer.

5:00 p.m. – Get another to-go box because there is Sriracha tofu, which, while not as good as spicy tofu, does the trick.

5:30 p.m. – Go to the ISO lounge to find Marysia Ciupka ’19, Ayon Dey ’18 or Aleksander Hrusanov ’18 to play Bananagrams with me.

5:37 p.m. – Peel a series of Js, Xs, Zs, and Ks. Curse the Bananagram gods!

5:45 p.m. – Move onto next study break. Play Set with Ayon and Aleks. Remember that Aleks actually goes by Sasho. Continue calling him Aleks.

5:57 p.m. – Am convinced that I am now good enough to beat Amelia in Set.

6:00 p.m. – Challenge Amelia to a game of Set.

6:30 p.m. – Lose to Amelia.

7:00 p.m. – Do homework. Reflect aloud on the relation between mind and world. All my friends leave the room.

8:15 p.m. – Relocate friends. Invite them to philosophy book club. All my friends leave the room.

9:07 p.m. – Facetime Ebony “Chuukwu Chuukwu” Chuukwu ’16 from the second floor of the JRC while she sits in the Grill because stairs.

11:57 p.m. – Forget that I have French homework due by midnight. Spend the next two hours doing French homework and sobbing.

2:14 a.m. – Arrive home. See that Li’l T successfully made it back home. Was not kidnapped. Listen to one more Top 40s hit before going to sleep.