7:00 a.m. — Wake up the morning.

7:03 a.m. — Go back in bed with my cell phone.

7:11 a.m. — Learn about how to choose the perfect microwave.

7:19 a.m. — Do a naked handstand.

7:26 a.m. — Realize the blinds are open.

8:00 a.m. — Physics.

8:06 a.m. — Realize I have no clue what’s going on.

8:14 a.m. — Note that I need to email Mira [Hall ’16]’s mom for Girl Scout cookies.

9:00 a.m. — Computer science.

10:00 a.m. — Econ.

10:37 a.m. — Make Vinita Singh ’14 touch my hair because it feels so luscious.

11:00 a.m. — Math.

11:49 a.m. — [Professor] Mileti says bj (bj. hah) while talking about commutatively in group theory, and I can’t stop giggling.

12:03 p.m. — Food lines are too long so naturally I bitch about it to Willa Collins ’16.

12:27 p.m. — Mira’s mom texts me asking about the Girl Scout cookies while I’m pooping.

12:40 p.m. — Somehow manage to create three full loads of laundry from just my dress shirts and underwear.

12:42 p.m. — Using newfound knowledge of microwaves, I heat up my microwave ravioli dinner.

2:14 p.m. —Head to JRC for Food Recovery Network shift.

2:23 p.m.  — Leave to work on computer science with Boyd Monson ’16.

3:11 p.m. — On my walk back to Loose, I question how many points are necessary to create a hypercube (the answer is 16).

3:12 p.m. — Realize how boring my life is.

3:13 p.m. — Pacify myself by eating Cheetos and getting on tumblr.

5:49 p.m. — After realizing I’ve been on tumblr for almost 3 hours, I decide to take a selfie explaining that my piss smells like asparagus.

5:50 p.m. — I lost two followers.

6:04 p.m.  — Go to D-hall for some grub.

6:09 p.m. — Chat with the ever-so-lovely cheery-checker Marie.

6:47 p.m. — Go to work on homework.

6:49 p.m. — Talk with Cody Combs ’15 about the importance of oranges on JRC second.

8:00 p.m. — Econ mentor session.

8:54 p.m. — Talk about life-changing orgies with Nick Cohen ’16.

10:09 p.m.  — Masturbation.

10:24 p.m. — Shower.

11:02 p.m. — Shamelessly watch three episodes of Shameless.

1:30 a.m. — Pass out.