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The Scarlet & Black

The Scarlet & Black

Feven Getachew
Feven Getachew
May 6, 2024
Michael Lozada
Michael Lozada
May 6, 2024
Nathan Hoffman
Nathan Hoffman
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Harvey Wilhelm `24.
Harvey Wilhelm
May 6, 2024

‘Twas the night before Finals, when all through the Hall…

It’s that time of year again. Squirrels are getting fat. You’ve put away your shorts and flip-flops. Most of us have, anyway. The Christmas lights and trees are up. Yep, surely, soon it’ll be FINALS WEEK.

The weather has been kind to us this year, not giving us snow. Even though sledding on dining hall trays isn’t fun just yet, it means we have more time to study. So, for our final column, we wanted to write a poem, sharing with you some holiday cheer from the most wonderful time of the year: Finals. And since one of us (Glumov) had his mom read a similar poem to him as recently as last December, here goes:

‘Twas the night before Finals, when all through the Hall
Not a student was sleeping, no one at all.
The notes were spread on the table with care,
In hopes motivation soon would come there.

They fruitlessly tri’ed to reread all they’ve read,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
Studying hours had them ready to snap,
They just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap.

If only someone could take their test,
The concept of self-gov would be at its best.
Whatever the cost, they were willing to pay
Minds ready for Christmas, to just get away.

When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from the bed to see what’s the matter.
Out of their doors they flew like a flash,
Threw up their arms and told them to hush.

The moon on the breast (lolz) of the new-fallen-but-maybe-not-till-after-Christmas-snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below
When what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, a study guide, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
Arriving with knowledge his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Stats! now, P-Chem! now, Bio and Soc!
On, German! On, Anthro! on Physics and Gender, Women’s and Sexuality Studies!
Learn the answers, to later recall,
But after exam they can dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

So into their heads the course[r]s they flew,
With the sleigh full of answers, and St. Essays too.

And then, in a twinkling, they heard in their heads
The chapters and contents of books that they’ve read.
Students yawned and were nearly sleeping,
But down the loggia came St Nicholas leaping.

He was dressed in The North Face, from his head to his toe,
And his clothes were all covered with ashes and snow.
A bundle of “Toys” he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a builder, tearing down the PEC.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
And filled all the blanks, and shot me a smirk.
He tossed me an outtake, but without consent
Quickly stealing my P-Card, up the loggia he went!

He sprang to his sleigh, his team came in a flash,
And away they all flew, with all campus’ Campus Cash.
Though money you’ll lose, straight A’s are your fate,
The aid of St. Nicholas don’t underestimate.

And they heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Finals to all, and to all a good-night!”

Well, that’s it for us. We’ve both got papers to start. At least they’re not due till tomorrow. Best of luck with Finals, Grinnell, and have a great Winter Break!

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  • J

    JamesDec 7, 2012 at 3:16 am

    So wanna share this on Facebook. 😀

  • C

    Confused Former ColumnistDec 16, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    This comment was deleted by moderator.