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Ask SHIC: SHIC talks toys and going all the way

Dear SHIC,

I’m interested in introducing toys into my relationship with my partner, however, I am not quite sure how to go about doing that. Could you help a sister out?

Toying with Toys

Dear Toying with Toys,

Introducing toys into the bedroom is always a great way to spice things up with your partner! The first thing you should do is communicate with your partner that this is something you’re interested in doing! Maybe to introduce the idea to your partner, you could show him/her/zir an article about the wonders of sex toys. Make sure to reassure your partner that you are not necessarily replacing your partner with the toys you are introducing to your relationship. The toys are most definitely not a substitute for the emotional bond and closeness you both share, instead they are just a supplement to enhance your relationship in bed.

Once your partner is on board with it, it would be a good idea to do some research and see what is in the market! Deciding what you both are interested in is a great place to begin the search for the perfect toys for you. Along with researching what toys are available, doing some research on how to safely use the sex toys you’re interested in is a good idea. Nothing is worse than having a bad experience with a toy just because you are unsure of how to correctly use it. You could also give your partner a preview of what it would be like to incorporate toys in your sex lives! Remember that it is very important to make sure that both you and your partner are comfortable whenever partaking in sexual activity. For example, you could begin by holding your partner’s hands above their head during foreplay, and if all goes well, you could proceed onto using furry handcuffs. Take things slow and don’t be afraid to experiment! You will most definitely find things both you and your partner enjoy using.

Remember that using sex toys is not unusual or weird by any means! According to Adam & Eve, an adult toy manufacturer, 44 percent of women between the ages of 18 and 60 have used one!

Be adventurous, have fun and be safe,


Dear SHIC,

I’m not exactly ready to go all the way with my significant other, but want to get close to him … what can I do?


Dear Baby-Steps,

There are plenty of ways to express sexual interest in someone without having sex!  Sex, be it vaginal or anal, is something that you need to be 100 percent comfortable with before you go any further.  If your significant other ever tries to coerce you into “going all the way,” make sure to put him back into his place.  We’re always here if you need help initiating that conversation. Sex is a beautiful, bonding experience, but please always keep in mind that it is a two-way street—your wishes weigh just as heavily as his.

Until you feel ready to have full-on sex, there are many other methods of sexual bonding such as touching, genital touching and oral sex. To use television as an example, the couple in the generic romantic comedy that goes in for the hot-and-heavy kiss usually showcase touching quite well.  To touch and to be touched is a stimulation that is hard to describe, but seems to come naturally in the spur of the moment. Genital touching is, well, what it sounds like. Just make sure all members in the party agree to this. Oral sex is to provide sexual stimulation with the mouth, instead of the anus or vagina. It’s considerably safer than vaginal or anal sex, but should never be interpreted as completely safe. One can still contract herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV and/or hepatitis B when “going down” on someone. In short, PLEASE be careful and use protection (condoms and/or dental dams). If any of these actions make you (or your partner) uncomfortable after initially consenting to (or receiving consent from) them, please STOP at once! Nothing ruins a relationship or a seemingly innocent sexual encounter more than lack of compliance with (or from) your partner.

As always, please never hesitate to visit us to discuss the content of our articles—or just to talk—we would enjoy seeing you!  We’re located in South Campus, in Main Hall, on the first-floor landing.



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