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The Scarlet & Black

The Scarlet & Black

A Day in the Life – Teddy Hoffman ’14

Teddy Hoffman ’14

Photograph by Johanna Silverman.

8:29 a.m.—Arrive to class with a minute to spare. Realize I have arrived naked. And my teeth are falling out. Everyone is staring and laughing…
8:30 a.m.—I wake up to “Give Up the Funk” blasting on my iPod.
8:43 a.m.—Make funny faces at myself in the mirror whilst brushing my teeth.
8:44 a.m.—Floormate enters bathroom.
8:45 a.m.—Floormate leaves. Resume funny faces.
9:00 a.m.—Have a hearty PB & J, a small bowl of Raisin Bran, an orange and a cup of green tea with honey. The breakfast of champions. Or people too impatient to wait in the Eggs to Order line.
10:36 a.m.—If I have to try to pronounce “parle” in French one more time, I’m going to bite my tongue right off.
11:55 a.m.—Reminded that “oodles” is a word. Guffaw to self.
11:56 a.m.—Become aware of people staring. Stop guffawing.
12:12 p.m.—Eat pasta and salad (without dressing, so I can pretend I’m an herbivore dinosaur).
12:43 p.m.—Enter Mail Room, belting the “Mail Time Theme” from Blue’s Clues.
12:45 p.m.—OH BOY! A PACKAGE!
1:00 p.m.—Set up camp in the Box Office, open Care Package from home. More Fun-Sized Hershey’s Chocolate bars than you can shake a stick at. Just the way I like it.
1:46 p.m.—No sir, you are limited to two tickets per P-Card. You may not have seven.
4:13 p.m.—Muse about how a beard would look on me. Ask bearded roommate for his biased opinion. Consider the possibility of a mustache.
4:26 p.m.—Check Facebook, Firstshowing.net, and Cracked.com. Also check NPR, New York Times and BBC, because it’s not procrastination if it’s balanced with global awareness.
5:31 p.m.—Groove to Barry White’s “Let the Music Play.” Over and over and over again.
6:26 p.m.—Dinner. Ask tablemates if they love Barry White as much as I do. “Who’s Barry White?”
6:27 p.m.—Urged by friends to sit down and stop belting “Let the Music Play,” I’m embarrassing myself.
7:28 p.m.—Head over to another puppet-filled rehearsal for “Naked,” showing October 6-9 in the Flanagan Studio Theater. Shameless plug, I know. Sue me.
10:02 p.m.—Walk back to dorm, muttering lines to myself as concerned looking peers veer to the other side of the sidewalk.
11:30 p.m.—Realize it is 11:30 p.m. Curse violently.
11:32 p.m.—Check Facebook.
11:36 p.m.—Complain how Grinnell gives too much homework and holds its students to unfair workload standards. How can anyone manage his or her time with such expectations?
11:41 p.m.—Check Facebook.
11:45 p.m.—Realize it is 11:45 p.m. Curse violently.
12:56 a.m.—The more I wish I was asleep, the less sleepy I seem to get.
1:27 a.m.—…oodles…hee hee hee…

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