The Scarlet & Black

The Independent Student News Site of Grinnell College

The Scarlet & Black

The Scarlet & Black

Feven Getachew
Feven Getachew
May 6, 2024
Michael Lozada
Michael Lozada
May 6, 2024
Nathan Hoffman
Nathan Hoffman
May 6, 2024
Harvey Wilhelm `24.
Harvey Wilhelm
May 6, 2024

Horoscope: Your major, based on your star sign

Henry Loomis

Aries: Economics 

March 21-April 19

Is your Prada at the cleaners? Thought so, Aries. With Mars ruling your sign, you are bound to strive for CEO with your large and in charge attitude. 


Taurus: Anthropology

April 20-May 20

Down to earth, more like in the earth! If only Grinnell had an Archaeology major … welp. This is the closest we can get for your expertise. 


Gemini: Languages 

May 21-June 20

As the social butterfly of the Zodiacs, the best way to maximize the amount of people you can talk to is by learning all the languages. Just don’t upset Duo the Owl. 


Cancer English with Education concentration 

June 21-July 22

Now you can teach children all of the words to describe your feelings! We know they’re the only ones who will understand them anyways.


Leo: Theatre, Dance, and Performance Studies

July 23-August 22

According to Reddit user EmFly15, Glee’s Rachel Berry is also a Leo. Although that’s factually incorrect, we believed them. Go channel your inner Berry onstage, little lion. 


Virgo: Computer Science

August 23-September 22

You might swear that you’re not a human computer, but we know better. We’re scared of your mind and how many secrets you keep, but you know what? The Internet truly is full of wonders. 


Libra: Political Science

September 23-October 22 

Checks and balances? Perfect for the most balanced of the zodiacs. In fact, we’re pretty sure every member of Mock Trial is either a Libra or a Leo. Prove me wrong. 


Scorpio: Classics

October 23-November 21

The most misunderstood major for the most misunderstood sign. You’re not pretentious, you just never left your Greek mythology phase in middle school. Understandable. 


Sagittarius: Philosophy

November 22-December 21

Most likely to pose like The Thinker without noticing award goes to … Sag! How’s the existential crisis treating you? Use that big brain of yours to explore the depths of humanity. 


Capricorn: 3+2 Engineering Program 

December 22-January 19

Grinnell’s lack of an engineering department wasn’t going to stop you. No doubt your persistence, ambition and crippling fear of failure will lead you to a high starting salary.


Aquarius: Independent Major 

January 20-February 18

You quirky Aquarius, you. Always have to pave your own path, don’t you? You just had to be different. Average Grinnellian. As Gabriella Montez said in High School Musical 2, “you gotta go your own way.” 


Pisces: Psychology

February 19-March 20

Trying to intuit where your sadness comes from? Typical Pisces. I mean, every Psych major wants to know why they are the way they are, but it just seems to come most naturally to you, don’t you think? 


Leave a Comment
More to Discover
About the Contributor
Henry Loomis
Henry Loomis, Graphic Designer
Henry Loomis is a second-year studio art major from Eau Claire, Wisconsin.  He loves books, trees, the artist Ellen Gallagher, movies, but especially queer films involving the ocean, and grows more obsessed with Joanna Newsom every day (the songs seem long, but he promises they’re engaging).
Donate to The Scarlet & Black
Our Goal

Comments (0)

All The Scarlet & Black Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *