By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden and Celestial Minion
Aries
July 22, 2021: Blowing the last of their MAP stipend on a Bikes To You shopping spree. Fingerless gloves, a helmet with a headlamp, a pair of those shorts with padding on the butt so your booty doesn’t hurt and a hot pink 10-speed. Personality traits CAN be bought, folks!
Taurus
July 16, 2021: Started off their solo backpacking fantasy with an assertive day trip along the Appalachian Trail. What began as stalwart confidence quickly dwindled to full-blown panic three hours in without even a cellphone tower in sight to signal humanity’s presence. Alas, hope returned in the form of a cheerful Minnesotan family all too willing to offer elaborate directions and a nourishing handful of Chex Mix.
Gemini
June 12, 2021: Hometown bar-hopping with the high school besties on Gemini’s 21st birthday turned into quite the celebration. Dingy dive bar lighting looked GOOD on your sophomore year lab partner making eyes at you across the room while dipping his onion ring in a vat of ranch. Gemini always thought he might be bicurious, but it looks like they finally get to put that hypothesis to the test…
Cancer
August 15, 2021: Today’s the day Cancer turned their life around, their come to Jesus moment, or maybe come to Megan … They redownloaded Tinder, cut all their t-shirts into crop tops and winked at the hottie stacking cans of maize at the grocery store. It’s never too late for a #hotgirlsummer.
Leo
July 3, 2021: Road tripping to Florida sounded like a fun midnight idea, until Aries’ beat up Toyota broke down an hour outside of town. The tow truck dragged the car over to Riverside, Iowa where (fun fact!) Captain Kirk will be born a couple hundred years from now … Can’t say it made up for their vision of a margarita on the seaside.
Virgo
July 10, 2021: Showed up to the farmer’s market with a woven straw bag in hand, wide- brimmed hat secured with a ribbon under the chin and a hankering for a cheddar-leek scone – a compliment from a stranger on their hand-stitched linen apron was the cherry on top for Virgo, who’s finally living out the provincial lifestyle they’d always dreamed of.
Libra
August 13, 2021: An afternoon in Charleston during their bookshop-hopping road trip along the Eastern Seaboard went from picturesque to scary when a shadowy figure emerged from between the stacks brandishing a dusty copy of “War and Peace” and a piercing gaze. If Libra’s life was to take a turn into the plot of any Netflix Original, “You” would not have been their first choice.
Scorpio
August 2, 2021: A furtive glance while grappling for a tube in the lazy river line, the slippery brush of a foot in the wave pool … A last-minute trip to the aquatic family wonderland of the Wisconsin Dells has become what were undoubtedly the hottest three days of Scorpio’s life.
Sagittarius
July 23, 2021: Sagittarius swore they would do nothing but read books, get drunk and look hot. And so, they’ve made it a mission to visit every coffee shop within a five-mile radius, and on this lovely Friday morning, Sagittarius finally got their meet-cute. I mean, the way that barista just said hello … are they going to kiss right now?
Capricorn
June 8, 2021: Arrived at their summer camp counselor gig eager to develop the skills required for their dream job as a preschool teacher. Watching a kid down two consecutive tubs of Colorations non-toxic paint before 9 a.m. on a Tuesday has got Capricorn rethinking their projected career path.
Aquarius
June 1, 2021: First day on the job as your hometown’s hot new barista and things could not have gone worse. Several steamed milk mishaps later and Pisces is starting to wonder whether listing the Grille as work experience was really the way to go. Café Bustelo’s cortadito ain’t got nothing on this honey lavender latte.
Pisces
August 9, 2021: Forming a casual volleyball league with the third years living in a house across the street seemed like a great way to enjoy some healthful time outdoors while making lifelong friends in the process. After today’s game though, Aquarius isn’t going to plan a friendship bracelet braiding session anytime soon. They promise they weren’t aiming for her face, but apparently Aquarius’s spike game is just too good for the minor leagues.
