Dear SHIC,

Why can’t I make my girlfriend come?

Sad BF

Dear Sad BF,

If you worry that you are one of the few asking this question … don’t, because there are plenty of men out there who haven’t made a woman come or have trouble with it. Did you know only a third of women can regularly achieve orgasm through intercourse? Some women require more stimulation in certain areas or even more clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. Some can only orgasm through oral sex. Getting a woman to come can be a challenging task, because women often require a very specific type of precision in order to come that can only be learned over time. However, I can tell you a few tips.

1. Don’t assume that you can make her come from fingering. Many men think that fingering is the way to go. Fingering can be nice, especially pre-intercourse, but unless you are extremely talented with your fingers, the likelihood of making a woman come from that alone is slim.

2. Instead, focus on the clitoris, the pleasure spot. It’s very sensitive and has about 8000 nerve endings. It’s located underneath the mons pubis and above the urethra. Make sure her clitoris is lubricated and rub your fingers up and down it or around in a circular motion. Keep in mind that everyone’s clitoris is different, so different techniques may be better for different people. Ask your girlfriend if she wants you to go faster or press harder. Continue this with your fingers until she comes. During oral sex, do the same thing with your tongue.

3. If you are talented with your fingers, try to find her g-spot. With your palm facing upwards, finger her deeply and then curl your fingers upward in a “come here” motion until you find a soft “squishy” area. This is the g-spot. Continue moving your fingers in and out and making this curling motion.

4. During sexual intercourse, rub her clitoris. Positions such as doggie-style and cowgirl will give you better access as well as possible g-spot stimulation.

5. Overall, be sure to communicate. She will know what feels good, so ask her about it. This is the key to making a woman come. Coming may not always be the most important part of the sexual experience, remember to enjoy and appreciate other aspects too.

Love,

[SHIC]

Dear SHIC,

Fisting and finger blasting? Are these safe to try?

Can’t Quite Put My Finger On It

Dear Can’t Quite Put My Finger On It,

Fisting is the act of putting a fist in the anus or vagina. Finger blasting is vigorous finger play that penetrates the anus or vagina. Like any sexual activity, these practices come with risks such as drying, infection and tearing. Sounds risky and discomforting? Don’t worry, these advanced forms of foreplay can be practiced safely with great care, protection, lots of lubrication and patience.

First and most importantly, communicate with your partner if she/he/ze would like to try fisting or finger blasting. Remember, it is always important to ask your partner for any new activity you try and for both of you to enthusiastically consent to it.

Next, think about hygiene. No one wants to be fisted or fingered with long nails, so trim them! For the receiving partner, we advise against douching, which irritate the vaginal and anal walls, increasing infection risk. However, we understand that you would want the cleanest experience possible, so we recommend dropping your busy load and thoroughly washing your bum beforehand. Additionally, be sure the fister or fingerer’s hands are cleaned before, too. We always recommend safer sex, so you should use a latex glove, especially for fisting, because bacterial and viral infections are not sexy. After placing a latex glove on, generously apply lubrication on your entire hand and forearm. Important: don’t use oil-based lubricants on a latex glove or it will erode!

Before penetrating, be sure your partner is relaxed, comfortable and aroused. You can help your partner feel at ease by gently massaging around the vulva or anus. When both of you are ready, gently insert one finger at a time. Listen to your partner’s wants and she/he/ze will tell you the pace they want. Fisting requires even more time and patience if you want your entire fist inserted. Work with all fingers first, then the thumb before balling your hand into a fist to insert it. We don’t recommend fisting at such an extreme pace once your whole fist is entered. Listen to your partner and be sure to always apply lubrication when needed. If your partner experiences extreme discomfort, you need to remove your fist slowly after encouraging your partner to relax.

You can definitely try putting your finger on it and we encourage you do so safely and consensually.

Love,

[SHIC]