8:00-8:45 a.m.—Slide into consciousness over four or five increasingly urgent alarms.
8:45 a.m.—Kiss stuffed elephant good morning.
9:00 a.m.—Housemate John Seng ’14 making beans and rice for breakfast, or what he calls “Costa Rican food.”
9:15 a.m.—Coffee x2
10:00 a.m.—Seminar. Discussion of the conatus doctrine and Spinoza’s passions, aka that good shit.
11:50 a.m.—Accidentally wave to a guy who looks like Jack Dunnington ’16. Turns out to be housemate Sam Dunnington ’14.
12:00 p.m.—Costa Rican food for lunch.
12:45 p.m.—MAP meeting with Professor Ralph Savarese [English] and housemate Drew Ohringer ’14.
12:46 p.m.—Reflect, for neither the first nor last time, that I spend too much time with Drew.
1:17 p.m.—Prof. Savarese says something like “imitative fallacy lyric essay incommensurability.”
2:30 p.m.—Daily bike ride. Did anyone know that I am a cyclist?
4:00 p.m.—Drizzy Drake.
4:45 p.m.—Walk by Drew’s room-wreck to see that there are still no sheets on his bed. Wonder what could possibly shame him into putting on those damn sheets.
5:00 p.m.—Piano practice; my second greatest joy (to cycling of course).
6:00 p.m.—No food in house. Decide to eat alone in dining hall and do my reading.
6:15 p.m.—Socrates: still pretty good.
6:30 p.m.—D-Hall coffee: still pretty bad.
7:00 p.m.—Come home to find adorable poster of cartoon elephant that says “Never forget that you are loved” on my bedroom wall courtesy of housemate Clare Mao ’14.
7:02 p.m.—Feel loved; tear up a little bit.
7:15 p.m.—Friend Zone family time!
8:00 p.m.—Show up at Bob’s for my shift; blast Neil Young. No sales possibly b/c of Neil Young. What the hell is wrong with people? I’ll tell you what: Bring in this column or use the offer code DRAKE for 15 cents off your next pizza bagel.
10:00 p.m.—Sophisticated drinks with alum friends and Jack’s brother at Relish. Feel sophisticated.
10:15 p.m.—Learn more than I have ever wanted to know about mixology.
12:00 a.m.—Drew “No sheets” Ohringer interrupts reading time to borrow my inhaler.
1:00 a.m.—Sleep like a bb.
