7:30 a.m. – Wake up in Cole Unger’s [’13] bed.

7:40 a.m. – Shower, dress, put on Cole Unger’s socks.

8:05 a.m. – Class.

9:05 a.m. – Quote Jeff Spicoli.

9:30 a.m. – Crumpets with Raynard et. al.

11:00 a.m. – Jet to CERN [European Organization for Nuclear Research] and oversee some collisions.

11:15 a.m. – Ferry ride back to the states.

(two months later).

12:00 p.m. – Stop by 1005 [High Street]. Announce my arrival to DHVNVNJVY [Siddharth Dhananjay ’14]. Kiss the ring.

1:00 p.m. – Make fun of the nerds in Kistle.

1:05 p.m. – Study in Kistle.

3:15 p.m. – Feed Tamagotchi.

4:05 p.m. – Cooking class with Wayne Moyer. Made baklava.

5:00 p.m. – Conference call with Frank Vogel and Paul George. Fix PG’s jump shot.

6:15 p.m. – Check the time on my Jacob.

7:00 p.m. – Make incorrect alterations to Wikipedia articles.

8:30 p.m. – Discuss current threats to campus safety and security with Officer Motta, while we shoot clays over the baseball diamond.

9:20 p.m. – NyQuil Nap.

9:29 p.m. – Homework!

9:35 p.m. – Eat a bowl of quinoa, only after Instagramming it.

9:45 p.m. – Help Michael Cermak [’14] with his math homework pro bono.

9:55 p.m. – Biz. Buzz. Bank.

10:55 p.m. – Drink. Drunk. Drank.

12:30 a.m. – Tuck Aditya Sathish [’14] in. Pour myself a highball glass of Old Crow.

12:54 a.m. – Enter REM sleep.