I thought after spring break would be a good time to check in and let you know the biggest thing you can expect for the rest of the semester. I’m letting you know now so that you’re prepared.
Aries (March 21 – April 19): You will finally lock in
You’ve been saying you’re going to all semester, and now you finally will. It’s getting down to the wire. Let’s see if this is enough.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You will celebrate Alice for the first time and won’t be able to shut up about your newfound understanding of the world
Many people go through this phase, so it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s awesome that you learned empathy and that nature is magical and beautiful, but please. Spare us the extensive details for the fifteenth time.
Gemini (May 21 – June 21): You will flip a coin and it will land perfectly on its side
This kind of luck seems unique to the already two-sided Gemini. I really want to witness it when this happens, so if you’re a Gemini, find me and let me know whenever you’re about to flip a coin.
Cancer (June 22 – July 22): You will pee your pants in Gardner Lounge
Maybe the concert moved you so much that you just couldn’t hold it in anymore. Perhaps you just really couldn’t hold it in anymore. It was probably just a little bit. Just go home and change.
Leo (July 23 – August 22): You will be in a failed talking stage
I’m so sorry for this, but I suspect that it’s true. Maybe you can find a way to enjoy it! It’s right before summer, you weren’t looking for anything long term anyway. You’ll get through this, I promise.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22): You finally track down the source of that smell coming from your fridge
Everyone thinks of Virgos as having it really together, and it’s true! However, some things inevitably slip through the cracks. I think you’ll figure it out, though, and you can finally stop being embarrassed to open your fridge when your friends are over.
Libra (September 23 – October 23): You’ll never see your D-Hall crush again
This is so tragic, but I have faith that you’ll develop another one. And let’s be real, you were never going to talk to them anyway. Wherever you end up outside of Grinnell, I’m sure you’ll find a crush to look at/long for.
Scorpio (October 24 – November 21): You will get married
You will either get married for real and be happy about it, or it will be a huge drunken mistake somehow. Either way it will keep things interesting,
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): You will tell a joke in class that makes everyone laugh.
Who could ask for anything better? You’ll have one shining moment in class this semester where your comedic timing is absolutely perfect, everyone is in the mood to laugh, you said something really clever, etc.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): You’ll finish the book that you started at the beginning of first semester and has been sitting on your desk for months
Slow and steady wins the race for sure. You probably got bogged down with school work, so this is totally understandable. I’m proud of you for finding the time, Capricorn.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): You lose your lucky charm, and then you find it again
What a roller coaster of emotions! I think this makes it even more lucky, though, or it at least proves that it is lucky and meant for you. If you don’t have a lucky charm to begin with, you’ll find one this semester.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20): You will find out a disturbing secret
I’m not sure when, and I’m not sure who it’s about, but I feel like you’re the kind of person who people trust or the kind of person who’s intuitive enough to figure deep secrets out. Who knows, maybe you’ll discover a secret about yourself.
