Although I am deeply in love with my partner, I go back and forth on wanting to celebrate Valentine’s Day. A part of me thinks it’s cute and fun, and another part of me believes that it’s just a capitalist scheme to monetize love, where you have to spend money to prove that you truly love the one you’re with. Am I just not a romantic? What should I be doing for my partner this Valentine’s Day? Do I have to ask my long term partner to be my Valentine?
–Vacillating Valentine
Hey, Vacillating Valentine,
To start, I absolutely do not think these thoughts mean you’re not a romantic. Valentine’s Day is extremely marketed upon, in a way that is often really cheesy.
Further, I don’t want to be corny and invoke “love languages,” but it really is true that everyone shows their love for another person differently.
Think of the classic dad example — a lot of fathers aren’t the most externally emotional, but if you mention that you like a specific kind of fruit, they’ll go out and buy a pallet of it for you without saying anything. Sometimes your natural way of showing love does not fit with the conventional Valentine’s Day celebrations, and that’s OK! Maybe you’re into subtle acts of service, or maybe your love language is sitting silently together and watching Instagram reels. Whatever works for you!
However, I think the most important thing here — all the time, not just V-Day — is understanding how your partner wants and needs to be loved. What makes them feel valued, cared for, understood and wanted?
As I said, everyone has a different relationship style, and so it’s very possible that you and your partner have different preferences. Of course, the hope is that you can see and understand each others’ love languages, but it’s really important to take the other person into account.
Maybe what you think clearly shows how much you love the other person doesn’t fully come across sometimes. That’s not a bad thing, it just takes some communication — as do all things in a relationship.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is there’s no “should” involved in your Valentine’s Day plans because every couple will be different! If you’re a Valentine’s Day skeptic but your partner is really into it, maybe you can talk about it and plan a romantic evening without selling your soul to the capitalist machine. If neither of you care about Valentine’s Day, great! Go about your lives.
I do think you should ask your partner to be your Valentine, even if it’s just as a joke. And even if your one and only hates Valentine’s day, I don’t think anyone truly hates candy and being told they’re loved. You can pretend it’s for a different, non-Valentine’s day related reason.
With love and well wishes,
Sincere&Bold
Do you have woes, worries, weirdness or wonderings? Do you want advice from someone completely unqualified but well meaning and sometimes insightful? Send your questions for Sincere&Bold to [newspapr].
