Horoscope: The Signs as New Age Bullshit

Aries: The Secret

Taurus: Astrology itself

Gemini: Enya

Cancer: Pyramid power

Leo: Crystals

Virgo: Enneagram (fight me)

Libra: Himalayan pink salt

Scorpio: Indigo Children

Sagittarius: The wisdom of dolphins

Capricorn: Atlantis

Aquarius: The Age of Aquarius

Pisces:  Reducing your Thetan levels

— Sister Aurora Impulse