Sage & Blunt Advice: Vexed Valentine

Dear Sage & Blunt,  

I’ve been sleeping with someone since the start of the semester, and to be honest I’m not really into them, but, you know, I’m horny. I told them I’m not interested, but they said they’re down to continue knowing things are just physical, so I thought we were on the same page. But then they asked if I wanted to hang out on Valentine’s Day, so now I’m confused. I feel like I should break it off now, but I don’t want to leave them alone on V-Day either. Thoughts? 

Sincerely, 

Vexed Valentine 

Dear Vexed Valentine, 

I’m confused too. Your “someone” is probably the least confused of the three of us. It sounds to me like they hear you loud and clear, want to keep having sex with you and are wondering if you’re free on Tuesday night. Did they say they wanted to have a candlelit dinner and exchange love poems? Do they want to hang out on Valentine’s Day because they’ve decided they want to marry you? Did you even ask? 

If it’s at all reassuring, my parents went on their first date on February 14, and neither realized what day it was until they arrived at the restaurant, which actually made for a very romantic surprise — they are now acrimoniously divorced! I guess I’m saying that you can’t know what asking to hang out on Valentine’s Day means to your person, and it doesn’t say much about what your future holds.  

Valentine’s Day is a thing people feel one hundred different ways about, and I don’t mean to yuck anybody’s yum. Presents, chocolate, handwritten expressions of affection, kissing and the color pink are all things I love, but not everyone wants or expects these things. 

(Author’s note: sometimes I think I could retire from writing this column and just publish a final letter that reads, TELL PEOPLE WHAT YOU WANT, ASK THEM WHAT THEY WANT!) 

If you want to break it off, you should do so at your earliest convenience. Leaving them alone is leaving them alone. It sucks if you do it right before Valentine’s Day, it sucks if you do it right after Valentine’s Day, it sucks if you spend weeks wanting to do it but waiting to because you didn’t want to right around Valentine’s Day. It just sucks to leave people. 

Of course, dear Valentine, it also sucks to leave yourself alone. Make sure you’re telling the truth, to yourself most of all, about why you’re hesitating to end things — and do not keep someone around so you can avoid leaving yourself alone. It’s rude. 

I know I can’t speak for you on this because I am always interested, but I have my doubts that people have “not interested” sex just because they’re horny. We have sex to feel less alone! Even totally romance-less sex. A relationship that is purely physical (again, I will take your word for it) is still an exchange between two people. You are into them, in at least one way, or at one point you were. They are not incidental to your situation here. 

So, whether you decide to maintain this specific connection through the holiday, show it (and this person!) respect by at least acknowledging their place in your life. Be nice about it. Honor and be humbled by your need for human exchange. Celebrate all the different kinds of love and desire and affection you get to give and receive! Give your friends sugary things to eat. Write love letters. Call someone on the damn telephone. Do what you have been put on this earth to do: flirt. I hope it’s a good day, regardless of how you spend it.  

Happy Valentine’s Day, lovers! 

XOXO, 

Sage & Blunt